I hope that you haven't continued to use the messages that people send to you in coded ways. It's not fair to those people, and it's also easy to misinterpret.
I feel like I'm spinning my wheels in my life. That's actually too energetic a metaphor for how I feel that my life is progressing.
I'm disappointed about not getting into the biotechnology training program. What I had wanted to do was to attend that program, which takes an academic year, and then start work as something like a lab assistant. The pay is much better for that kind of work than for everything else that I have done for work, and I think that I would have liked the work that I would have done. I also thought of applying to be a lab assistant at a college after I graduated from the biotech program. A lot of schools let their employees take classes for free. I would have liked that a lot; to work during the week and then be able to finish my Bachelor's degree a few classes at a time. Then I wanted to go to law school.
Nothing seems to be happening for me for work. My Section 8 voucher, which would pay for most of the cost of an apartment if I could get a landlord to rent to me, expires in November if I haven't gotten a place with it by then. There's no reason for me to think that anyone's going to rent to me. I was totally qualified for both of the work opportunities that I tried to get this summer; I was forced out of the first one and not even considered for the second one.
I'm not sure what to do next.
Are you sure that you want to know me, to be someone that I actually talk to? What I had always thought of when I was trying to make things be better so that I could have friendships with the famous people that I interacted with was not that I would take money from them. I hoped that the conglomerate's persecution of me would lessen so that I could get paid to do actual work, which I also never intended to be my full-time job. I don't see how all of this could fall into place; it never has before.
I don't know if people who hack my phone feel close to me because they have my phone hacked. Their doing that doesn't make me feel close to them; it makes me feel bad. It's not something that I have ever liked, although I have tried to put it to some use that's good or at least funny, and it's not at all something that I would want to continue if I had an actual personal or professional relationship with someone.
I wish you weren't so famous. I know it's sort've funny, the idea that I'm saying something like "MAYBE I'll FINALLY actually talk to one of the MOVIE STARS who's always trying to get me to do that, now that I'm DESPERATE." That's sort've why I'm asking if you really do want to talk to me; I don't want to upset you. If you were you and yet not rich or famous, it would be easier for me to offer you friendship than it is with things being the way that they are.
My stomach is lurching, thinking about being even a percentage of as famous as you are. I keep thinking about a crowd of people with cameras running over to me. I guess I could just film them all stalking me and publish the documentation as the next phase of "Lena The Hunted." I should think about getting antlers that I can tie around my head.
I don't steal boyfriends. I thought I should mention that, since I'm not sure that my terrifying pictures of my face did what I meant them to do.
Copyright L. Kochman, August 31, 2015 @ 8:16 p.m.
