It seems to me that you are quite a survival story, which I'm sure the conglomerate does not want to admit. Life is difficult enough for people whose lives started with a foundation of healthy, positively predictable, supportive, affectionate, respectful love and role models. A lot of people don't get that, and much of the world's dysfunction can be measured by the degrees to which they don't.
Without that foundation, every life challenge, even a good one, can feel like anything from being in a car that's spinning out of control to falling into a fathomless abyss. Even just the ordinary business of life can feel twisted up; empty, or heavy, or full of tangles, with your emotions askew and your only options seeming to be either submission to or abandonment of all of your feelings.
I think that's something that people who have never had serious emotional challenges don't know and have never felt; they don't know how emotional chaos can have dramatic, physical effects on people. They know emotions to be good or bad, happy or painful, not necessarily simple but not sprained and seriously, chronically disorganized.
The conglomerate's support of voyeurism has given me a permanent sexual, psychological and social injury that I'll be dealing with for the rest of my life. Before that happened, I spent most of my adult life in turmoil over various things, one of them being how to have healthy relationships with men. Our past paths were not identical; our present ones seem to have met at a time when you are sparring with your demons and I have been given new ones.
Your fiancée seems to have the pitiless bullying instinct that women who feel threatened in their relationships not infrequently display. I hope she gets over that instinct, for both of your sakes. Bravado is a liability for recovery. There are few things that lay bare every weakness to the world the way that illness does. Everyone deserves a reasonable amount of privacy. However, addiction couldn't care less about anything other than satiation. People who invest energy in building elaborate facades are wasting their time generally; people who invest energy building those facades around addiction are building the future, crumbled walls that will not hide what will be their broken hearts. You can both choose to blame me all day, for years, for anything and everything; behind the looming shadow you build of me together, your true enemies will be jeering at you while they shred your lives.
Other than that, I think she's a better choice for you than I would be. There's no guarantee that our good sides would prevail together, and much reason to think they wouldn't.
Also; dating famous people will not help me be less famous. Everything else that I have already said about this sort of thing, and the conglomerate, is true.
Copyright L. Kochman, May 26, 2015 @ 7:44 p.m./edited May 27, 2015 @ 6:27 a.m.
