If Mr. Rhys Meyers has been foolish enough to leave you, and your heart is broken, I know that you are old enough and mature enough to know that the heartbreak of a lost relationship fades and ceases to hurt. The voyeuristic videos of me are never going away. More people will see them every day for the rest of my life.
There's also no guarantee that the voyeurism is over. I am constantly at risk of being voyeuristically filmed again; so is a significant percentage of the people of Boston and surrounding areas, because of the way that the conglomerate has promoted this crime.
It is a statistical impossibility that you won't meet someone else with whom you will be happy. You're beautiful and intelligent and, although you are challenged every day to maintain your integrity and to grow as a person because of the business that you're part of, spirituality is clearly not just something that is important to you because it leads to symbols that look nice on yoga clothes.
It is not only that many people won't want to date me because of the videos of me and because of the perpetual invasions of every part of my life. There are also a lot of people who will want to date me, or at least to get dates with me, so that they can get attention from the conglomerate and then bully me, and/or so that they can make me the victim of voyeurism again by secretly filming me during sex.
A guy sat at one of the group of benches that was near me a few days ago. I got up and left. I'm sure that he just wanted a place to sit and wasn't even thinking about trying to talk to me, but I couldn't stand to be around him, just because he was a male who had chosen to be within a few feet of me.
I'm sure that you know by now that psychological damage is usually physically invisible. I am coping with my life the best that I can. I am willing to end my life at any time. I don't know how often it painlessly crosses my mind, every day, that a big truck could hit me and kill me instantly; often.
In addition to all of this, I have to try to maintain an even temper and to be polite in the midst of people screaming all day. That's the soundtrack of homeless life for everyone; literally people screaming all day.
Life doesn't end just because a person wakes up every morning feeling horrible and horrified. I walk through the wreckage of my life every day; some days are worse than others, but all of them are within the context of what is excruciating and would be too much for anyone.
I'm sorry that my neediness infringed on your relationship, and I'm sorry if my heartfelt pages trying to address the damage didn't help. You weren't the first; hopefully you're one of the last. However, it seems to me that the entertainment industry likes to hide that almost everyone's trying to sleep with almost everyone in the industry all the time behind scapegoating me for it all. I'm not the only person who flirts where it would be more prudent not to; I'm one of the few who is ever sorry for it and tries not to let it screw up other people's lives.
Permit me humor? Damn' the gods of beauty! They've cursed us both and the varmints who walk all over our hearts!
Copyright L. Kochman, August 20, 2015 @ 1:41 p.m./addition @ 1:46 p.m./addition @ 1:51 p.m.
